Why do people get into improv comedy in the first place? A lot of reasons no doubt. Some do it, like the famous people we talked about we started this thing, as a way of learning the skills to make it big in show business. Others do it as a means of personal growth. Overcoming fears. Learning to be more creative. Maybe some see it as a way of becoming a better communicator or boosting their confidence. I suspect for some it meets their need to be in front of a crowd and get laughter and applause. People do it for lots of reasons. It seems pretty clear that one big reason to get into it is to have fun. You could argue people do it because improv comedy is a fun way of accomplishing all those serious things. When improv isn’t fun anymore, it’s because you’ve lost touch with the heart of what improv is supposed to be.
Why do people get married? Same thing: lots of reasons no doubt. Some probably do it because while they’d just as soon live together, there’s all kinds of family and societal pressure to get hitched. Some do it because they really love the idea of making that lifelong commitment before God of how they will live. Its unfortunate but I’m certain some people get married because they don’t feel fulfilled as a person without a spouse. That’s not a good plan. If you’re unhappy as a single person, getting married likely means there will now be two unhappy people.
Beyond the question of why get married is the question of why we marry the particular people we do. Good chemistry? Check. Physical attraction? Check. Shared values? Check. Common interests? Check. How about this one: hopefully in the midst of all the reasons you chose who you chose, somewhere in there is that you have fun together. The marriage relationship is supposed to be one that includes joy and laughter. It is supposed to be fun! It is supposed to be fun even though at times being married is hard. It’s supposed to be fun even though at times life is hard. When it’s not fun anymore, it may mean you’ve lost touch with a big part of what it was that brought you together in the first place.
A few weeks ago my wife and I attended a one man show at a local theatre in Hong Kong. The performance was an actor telling the story of his life. Specifically, he told about how he dealt with his mother’s suicidal tendencies. He chronicled how through the years she attempted suicide several times until she ultimately took her own life. Even though it was a serious story, there was a surprising amount of laughter in the telling. We know that so much comedy is borne out of tragedy. That was certainly true here. One of the gimmicks of the performance was that, even though it was a one man show, he involved people in the audience at various points. He would just point at someone and ask them to come up. One man played his father. A woman played his girlfriend. Another woman played the veterinarian that put his dog to sleep. Another one portrayed his guidance counsellor who had to talk to him using a puppet which was made of one of her socks stuck on her hand. He would give them the parameters and then they had to come up with their own lines and take the story whatever direction they chose. My wife and I played the older couple that didn’t smell funny but we didn’t have any lines. We just had to sit there and be…well….old. We nailed it by the way.
Some folks did really well. They seemed to take to it naturally. Some folks were obviously struggling. When the show was over we, of course, clapped and cheered for the professional actor who did the show. He really was amazing. But then he had all his fellow actors get up so we could clap for them. I daresay we might have clapped even louder for them than we did the professional. Because we all understood. That guy was a professional doing what he had practiced and trained for for years. These were folks who were just out for the night and decided to attend a show. They were called on to do things they had never done before in front of an audience. They were improvising. And they all did the best they could.
It’s like I said in the introduction: that’s us! We are all improvising life. And we are improvising marriage. So let’s clap and cheer for all the improvisors! Some of us take to it naturally. Some of us struggle at times. Not a single one of us is a professional at any of it. And we’re all doing the best we can. As I close I just want to remind you: This is supposed to be fun. That is still true when we are struggling. That is still true even when life is hard. That is still true when being married is hard. At those times I invite you to remember that life is still good. God is still good. Marriage is still good. At those times I invite you to remember that you are still good and are capable of enjoying your time on the stage with your spouse.
After 40 plus years of marriage one of the sweetest sounds in my life is my wife’s robust laughter. What I love the most is the idea that I can make her laugh. Most of the time she’s laughing at me. Always deserve it. But what I really love is when I can still say or do something that makes her laugh. While our marriage, like anybody else’s isn’t always easy, that lets me know we can still have fun.
No matter how long you have been married and no matter why you got married, I hope you have fun enjoying this other person who was foolish enough to say “yes and….” to the likes of you. I invite you to do your best to follow these principles and then forgive yourself and one another for the times that you don’t. Don’t forget to remember what it was about this amazing, delightful person that caused you to get married in the first place. Have fun and don’t ever stop improvising.
Improvisational Conversation
- Why did I choose to get married?
- What was it about my spouse that caused me to say this is the one?
- Are we still having fun? If yes, what is the spark that keeps it fun? If not, what has robbed us of the fun factor and what can do we do to get it back?